A Licence To Write

So here I am, I have thought about, meditated on and discussed this for a few years now, and finally today I decide to start... why has it taken me so long?  Well apart from being pregnant, birthing or breast feeding for the last 7 years...

Perfectionism has posed as my ally for as long as I can remember. A bully that functions like a driving force! a strong hold that constricts life, promising failure and disappointment at each turn. 

Perfectionism’s biggest collaborator, Procrastination, also has a part to play in my story and needs to be held accountable. At times procrastination would step aside, only to be surpassed by Perfectionism. Yes the two “P’s” would render me powerless and immobile to embark on this writing journey.

But today is the day I begin at 2.42pm with exactly 18 minutes before I have one arising from a doze on the couch, one waking from a sleep and the 3rd needing to be picked up from school. How quickly 18 minutes can pass when you have that entire 18 minutes to yourself, as opposed to the eternity it can feel when you are faced with a crying toddler, whinging preschooler or determined 6 year old.

12 minutes now remain, as a phone call from school is answered, a coffee group text is read and a child related email is received and sent.... But still I sit, determined to press on, savouring the silence and relishing the uninterrupted thought process, because it is time. 

It is my time to write and reflect, to record and to process my thoughts and feelings, my hopes and dreams, my fears and anxieties, my successes and failures, my observations and experiences, my vision and of course my reality.... as a stay at home mother of 3!!!

A mother of three beautiful children, - the first born, our ‘Precious’ spirited one, - the second born, our ‘Special’ sensitive one and our third born, our ‘Gorgeous’ delightful one.

3 children that are unique who fight for their place in the family.

Well time is up, the minutes have ticked by and the baby monitor is calling. How wonderful it was to sit and begin the journey even if it was just for a few minutes ... at least I know now that ...

I'll be back!

image by Sam Judson

The Perfect Blog

NO SUCH THING some would say!

Myself included, until I attempted to accomplish exactly that MY Perfect Blog. 

So within the confines of Bloggers Template Designer and my limited Blogging know how I set out ...

On the surface it seemed a relatively straight forward project, until one realised just how many decisions one needed to make in order to produce a blog that would satisfy my Perfectionist tendencies.

As time ticked on, progress was slow and much attention given to design matters only the Perfectionist’s eye would discern.

I played around with draft posts comprising of a whole lot of gobbledygook and random bizarre images, to ‘get a feel’ for what posts would actually look like if I was to ever get this baby off the ground.

After a whole lot of peer pressure and a deadline looming, I finally appealed to the wisdom and expertise of an experienced Blogger friend who willingly took me on a "Bloggers for Dummies" crash course and in one evening had me poised to go live.

Or so I thought,

To my horror I was in fact ..... live!

 
A view of the stats showed people from Australia, Malaysia, Denmark, US, Singapore, and Germany had already stopped by to peruse and scrutinise my unfinished, flawed, imperfect blog.

Arrgghhh it was a Perfectionist’s worst nightmare!

My wide eyed possum in the headlights stare did nothing to convey the inner turmoil I was experiencing.  I sat momentarily in the safe haven of ‘denial’ then found myself rapidly rolling through the other stages of grief, until finally we erupted into laughter and I arrived at acceptance.  I had been so engrossed in colour harmony and fancy fonts that I had overlooked the simple act of choosing a setting to maintain the privacy of the blog until I had gotten things just right.

So that was that... I had learnt a valuable lesson, and I was no longer on a quest to fashion a perfect blog.  I resigned myself to the fact that there would always be a myriad of blogs out there that would far outshine mine. 

A good enough blog would just have to do, after all “perfection is via imperfection” some would say!   

What 'good enough' things have you had to resign yourself to?

image by Mitchell J. Goldstein

May The Force Be With Me

In the aftermath of a 5th Birthday Pirate Party, a Lightening Mcqueen 3rd Birthday and a 1st Birthday and Dedication, I made a stand.... 2011, it would be a theme free party year for all!  A fair call one would say, given the considerable amount of time, money and energy little people’s festivities can snaffle from a recovering perfectionist addicted to planning, producing and pulling off such events! 

However the clock is ticking, Precious's 6th birthday is fast approaching and with his latest infatuation with Star Wars, Lego and Star Wars Lego, I find myself restless and itching to plan, produce and pull of exactly that . . . a Lego Star Wars Party, fit for my very own Jedi!

I confess: I have already over indulged in google ‘quality’ time, scrounging around potential galactic sites, in search of inspiration to design THE perfect (or should I say ‘good enough’) invitation, menu, entertainment, and of course cake. My mind is unleashed, and possibilities are endless, until the wisdom of the wallet bumps me back to reality . . .

What is one to do? . . . naturally, I test the waters, would a certain ‘nearly 6 year old’ be partial to an exciting, first rate, Star Wars Partae experience? The face said it all . . . and my fate was sealed, in that moment I had willingly surrendered to a 4 week galatic adventure.

So the journey begins, and I am instantly lost in translation.

As I enter the ‘unknown’ world of Star Wars these are the things I know for sure ...

1. making a paper mache Death Star Pinata, will in no way be the simple fun activity that ehow.com eludes to
2. with 12 boys (armed with light sabers) completing a Jedi Training Course, someone is bound to lose an eye
3. we have a serious dysfunction in the Anakin (aka Darth Vader) Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia family unit
4. Yoda Soda . . . a combination of sprite and lime sherbet will undoubtedly result in an undrinkable substance, so FORCE fizzy is our safe plan B

You ask, do I enter this challenge with a little fear and trepidation? Yes!

Is there a chance stress will get the better of me and I have ‘moments’ along the way? Absolutely!

Will I be completely shattered afterwards? That I can guarantee!

So WHY? Why embark on this quest?

Is it for the accolades, the oohs and ahhs that may come my way as the party unfolds?

I confess: I do like words of affirmation, appreciation and a pat on the back, who doesn’t? But, no my main motivation is that I would see the same look of amazement and wonder at the mere mention of such an event, and it would remain on Precious's face for the entirety of the party. That the photos and video footage will capture the essence of childhood imagination, their energy, and the camaraderie of 12 jedi knights in training to defeat Death Star.  

But most of all, my hope is that memories will be created and stories will be told in times to come, of that one special day when Precious was “the Chosen One”, the hero for the day. When he was acknowledged for who he is, and celebrated for who he is becoming.

So the countdown is on, the clock is ticking ...



May the force be with ME!



image by Zeetz Jones